Just back from the airport and having said a speedy farewell to the last of our family visitors I should be feeling a little relief. After all, no more massive meals to cook, no more five loads of laundry per day, no more tiptoeing around delicate issues or tricky personalities. We all have those moments when we are fearful that the wrong thing will be said to the wrong person, the faux pas are often mine as viscerally, I still think of them as my children while logically, I know they are their own adults by now.
But what I feel is supremely grateful. For such a large family we all get along really well, we rarely argue over anything big, anything that would be a game changer, we bicker like everyone who loves is wont to do, but as a rule we like each other, respect one another’s opinions and express them freely. I know how difficult it is to get everyone in the same place at the same time, they partner up and marry and these other people make demands on them to be present for their family traditions but somehow, once again, they all made it home for thanksgiving in one piece and sailed through the confines of their family home, filled as it is with memories and past indiscretions. They flew, they drove, they overcame bronchitis and two trips to emergency health-care facilities. They dragged huge suitcases and supplies for two small children, they drove in rain and snow, they came early, late, and in the middle of the day. Thankfully they brought no extra pets this year, a blessing for which both my dog and I are grateful. They dutifully ventured to their grandparents homes to say hello, catch up on news and share more memories, and they did it all without being asked.
They played in the snow, they played with their niece and nephew and took over a little of the care for them so that momma could rest, she with the bronchitis. They played checkers and watched a movie or two and they cleared their dishes, helped set the table many times and respected the rules of the mud room. They let the dog out when need be and they said please and thank you. They were quiet in the early mornings, they went to bed at reasonable hours and let us know if they’d be home late so we could rest between bouts of cooking and laundry.
Am I surprised? No, of course not, these are all adults in grown-up jobs with grown-up relationships of their own, it’s just that I am still so grateful that we put in the work to raise them this well. That they listened, when perhaps we thought they didn’t, that they understood when they failed to respond, that those decades of investing our time, patience and not an insignificant amount of money have paid off in full. For anyone who is raising teenagers and wondering when that phase will end, I offer you the solace of time. Keep repeating yourself, they are paying attention, keep showing them what being in love, remaining in love and working at a loving relationship looks like. Like sowing high quality seeds in good dirt, the results are worth the wait.
This holiday of thanks is the favorite for many, but form me it is my life’s greatest reward and it keeps coming every year. I don’t have to make or buy gifts, I don’t have to worry about getting it right. I just clean up, make room and cook. A lot! And they come home, they show love and respect and have fun, and they teach me again that having this family of ours is the greatest gift I have ever been given. And now let’s nip into the Christmas closet to begin the seamless transition!
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